Translating Don Carman's Clichés Into The 21st Century
Today, we look back at Phillies pitcher Don Carman and the list of clichés that he famously posted on his locker in 1990, and brainstorm what a modern-day list of baseball clichés might look like.
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Pregame Pepper
Did you know…
. . . On Aug. 20, 1986, Don Carman was nearly flawless against the San Francisco Giants. He had a perfect game intact for the Philadelphia Phillies through eight innings at Candlestick Park. Unfortunately, leading off the bottom of the ninth, Giants catcher Bob Brenly hit a ball that ricocheted off the glove of Phillies center fielder Milt Thompson and was ruled a hit. Even if Carman had completed nine perfect innings, he would not have automatically gotten a win — the game was scoreless after nine and went into extra innings. Luckily, the Phillies won the contest, 1-0, in 10 innings, and Carman did get the victory.
The Giants starter that day was Mike Krukow, who suffered the loss. He later became a beloved announcer for the team starting right after his playing career ended in 1989.
The same day as Carman’s near-perfecto, Detroit Tigers pitcher Walt Terrell came within one out of a no-hitter against the California Angels, which was broken up via a two-out double by Wally Joyner in the ninth. The Tigers hung on to win, 3-0, as Terrell retired the next batter.
Leading Off
Ballplayer Clichés For The Age Of Analytics
By Russ Walsh
Don Carman was a left-handed pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies, Cincinnati Reds, and Texas Rangers from 1983-1992. During his 10-year career, he compiled a modest 53-54 won-loss record and a 4.11 ERA. It is not for his prowess on the Major League pitching mound that we celebrate Carman today, however. Carman was not only a left-handed pitcher, but he was also a left-handed thinker.
After a particularly poor 1989 season in which he went 5-15, Carman had grown tired of answering reporters’ questions with the same old worn-out clichés. On June 19, 1990, after picking up the win in a 2-1 Phillies victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates, Carman tacked a list of 37 of his favorite clichés to his locker and invited the reporters to choose the ones they liked.
His list featured many baseball chestnuts, including the following:
I’m just glad to be here. I just want to help the club any way I can.
We’re going to take the season one game at a time.
You’re only as good as your last game/at-bat.
This team seems ready to gel.
You just can’t pitch behind.
The catcher and I are on the same wavelength.
I did my best, and that’s all I can do.
I didn’t have my good stuff, but I battled ‘em.
I was getting my offspeed stuff over, so they couldn’t sit on the fastball.
I had some great plays made behind me tonight.
I’m seeing the ball real good.
And my personal favorite: Hey, that’s the name of the game.
You can find Carman’s full list here.
Reviewing Carman’s list got me thinking. This list was made in 1990 -- 32 years ago. Modern baseball players, whose every pitch, at-bat, and move on the field is based on the relatively new phenomenon of analytics, really need a new list of clichés. In this world of launch angles and arm slots, I am willing to step into this breach and suggest some new ones. I also offer a simultaneous cliché translation for the analytically challenged among the readers.
“The hitting coach and I are working on my launch angle.”
Translation: I have hit into five double plays in the last three games because I keep hitting the ball on the ground.
“The velo on my fastball is down.”
Translation: Those three home runs I gave up in the second inning were the result of nothing-burger fastballs down the middle.
“I know my ERA is over 6.00, but if you look at my FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching), I am not really pitching that badly.”
Translation: My team’s defense sucks.
“My exit velocity keeps improving, so I should turn it around soon.”
Translation: I keep popping up to the second baseman.
“A lot of my pitches tonight were just missing the zone.”
Translation: My catcher sucks at framing pitches.
“The card in my hat told me I should be playing the guy in right-center.”
Translation: It’s not my fault that ball fell in left-center for a triple. Talk to the coaches.
“The hitting coach and I are working on my bat-to-ball skills.”
Translation: I have struck out in 13 of my last 19 at-bats.
“The shift giveth and the shift taketh away.”
Translation: If the coaches would let the defense play their regular positions, those four ground balls would have been outs instead of hits.
“I’m working to get a consistent arm slot.”
Translation: I walked six batters in four innings of work.
“This obsession with shifting is killing my batting average.”
Translation: I couldn’t hit the ball to left field if my life depended on it.
“They were able to barrel a few on me tonight.”
Translation: Those four home runs they hit off me averaged 450 feet.
“I really caught that one on the sweet spot.”
Translation: I hit one of those 450-foot home runs.
“My whiff percentage isn’t where it needs to be.”
Translation: I gave up seven hits in my inning and two-thirds on the mound.
“My O-Swing% is just too high.”
Translation: I keep chasing the low and away breaking ball.
“That’s baseball!”
Translation: I just gave up five runs on six infield hits. (Pitcher)
OR: I went 0-for-4 after hitting four line drives. (Hitter)
It is heartening in a way that these new analytics can help Major League Baseball players bring a new level of inanity to hoary old baseball clichés. And if some of us old-timers must listen to them with puzzled expressions and a baseball analytics glossary in our laps, so much the better. Never too late to learn a new skill.
Carman, by the way, went back to school after his pitching career ended and got a degree in psychology. He has worked for the past 20-plus years helping professional athletes deal with the mental aspect of the game. I suppose it helps that Carman was always a little “mental” himself.
Russ Walsh is a retired teacher, diehard Phillies fan, and student of the history of baseball with a special interest in the odd, quirky, and once in a lifetime events that happen on the baseball field. He writes for both the SABR BioProject and the SABR Games Project and maintains his own blog The Faith of a Phillies Fan. You can reach Russ on Twitter @faithofaphilli1.